oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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