u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
