Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Im part way to drunk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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