Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
