party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
