I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
