I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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