She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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