you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize