did you get engaged???
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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