the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
