i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
