K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
