God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize