I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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