I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
