dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The ass gains better be worth it
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