i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
