I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
