oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
