Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The air taste purple.
Randomize
