Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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