Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pants are for mortals
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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