I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
