Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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