I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
love makes seman taste better
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
