One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hippo gnu deer
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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