if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
