after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
