What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We need to get me chipped asap
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
