At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
