So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
