You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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