suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
