Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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