1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
