babies were throwing up all over the place
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
