The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
