thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
