I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
