She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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