everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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