it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
