Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
