drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
