Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
