She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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