i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
