Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
