A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
