woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
