my sisters under your porch take her home
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
