i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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