PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
