I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
