nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
