Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
