You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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