we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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