Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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