Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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