I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
