i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
