Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Randomize
