I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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