morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
