I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
