I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
