Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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