bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
