I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
