Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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