I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
