I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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