You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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