i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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