She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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