was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
