Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
